There's something that perplexes me

as I, my mem'ries, search,

right here among familiar pews

in my old hometown church.

It's been so many decades now

since I have been around.

Those many years have faded fast

with oh, so little sound.

I sit a-spell and reminisce

in silence that remains,

from walnut pulpit up in front

to stained glass window panes.

The cross behind the pulpit hints

a show of halo's glow.

It seems to be inviting me.

There's much I still don't know.

My eyes drop down in front of me

upon a hymnal book.

I hesitate and ponder some

before I take a look.

Those tunes and words come quickly as

my sorry psyche swims

to words of His "Amazing Grace"

and more familiar hymns.

Familiar are both floor and walls.

Familiar are the lights.

Reflecting back to faces though,

my deepened grief ignites.

So many friends I cannot see.

They've moved or passed away.

No, time and change are not my friends!

How did I go astray?

How many times can God convict

me of my wicked ways?

How many times did I pretend

and did not give God praise?

I crave and plead that time turns back.

It rips my insides out!

It makes me blame somebody else.

It makes me want to shout.

There's something deep down in my gut

that I can't sanitize.

Confession comes, repentance looms

with something in my eyes...

As I stare squarely at myself -

and you know how it goes -

the lightning strikes and thunder roars

as levee overflows.,,

But lonely tears are wiped away,

for love will always be,

as grace holds all of Heaven up

throughout eternity.

My long, sad tears dry from my cheeks

as I, my mem'ries, search,

right here among familiar pews

in my old hometown church.

©2016 louis gander