God's Tug - My Mind and My Body

My Mind and My Body

April 8, 2011

My whole being, praise the Lord and do not forget all his kindnesses. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He saves my life from the grave and loads me with love and mercy. He satisfies me with good things and makes me young again, like the eagle.

Psalm 103:2-5 NCV

So many things have been going through my mind lately about what I look like. I’m not happy with my body image and my weight. I don’t feel at my best, knowing I’m at risk for health issues. Some time ago, I told my doctor I was interested in the lap band to help me lose weight, but after watching a Dr. Oz show I taped where they covered the subject of lap bands, I’m not so sure I want the surgery anymore. Yet, I know this is not an answer, only a help in losing weight. I have so much trouble controlling what I eat – I’m a compulsive overeater. Now that I’m unemployed or will be soon, I don’t know what I can afford to help me lose weight. I don’t believe in dieting. I do have a gym/heath club to which I can return, now that I’m feeling better.

Ok, here’s the big issue – my mind is in the way – of eating correctly, of getting to the gym, of doing so many things that would help me. I keep wondering what’s wrong with me (well, other than my compulsive overeating) and why I have this fear of moving forward. This verse is perfect – it lets me know that I’m not alone, so why do I feel this way?

I saw a new psychiatrist today and he adjusted my medications to help me with the depression part of my bi-polar disorder. Wow, he asked me all kinds of questions. I like him much better than the NP, so I’m going to continue with him even though I have to pay for the visits. Maybe if I can get my depression under control, then it will help me become more willing to keep away from my emotional/stress eating of junk food. I’m not looking for a quick fix, just some help getting out of this rut I’ve been stuck in for more than half a year. I’m tired of it. Praise God for loving me the way He does, because I sure haven’t been so in love with myself lately. Sigh…

(I've been struggling a bit lately with depression because of my physical condition, which - thank God - is getting somewhat better.)

God’s blessings upon you, your families, and your furkids (if any),

Michelle